How i am not myself!

Unraveling at a fast pace, thinking maybe I should gather my things and move on, but another portion of my grey matter unfurls in a dangerous direction which I cannot see or really smell, and that is what is the achilles of me is that I require a scent of defeat after I realize that I am an extradorinary machine, but really, all that I really, really, desire is a hug from a human that can recite my my last five adventures without flinching.
True loneliness only elipses sadness, because alot of people think that if you are lonely, well, then you must be sad; to be verdad, I am a lonely person, but not a sad one. I always feel that I am missing out on something, somewhere, or perhaps there is a being that I could be interacting with and not feel like I am perpetually annoying them.

…the lifeform that occupied a part of my life didn't really know me, and he never hid it well.

When you've been co-habitating for six years.

Life is about growth, which is wonderful, though not always easy. Indeed, many of lifes lessons can be painful or difficult. Yet, such challenges are often the ones that present the most opportunity for spiritual growth. Initiations for growth come in many forms. In fact, we can view every challenge in life as an opportunity to learn and grow. While these disruptions in life are not easy, they are necessary. The challenges the universe sends us can seem unbearable at times: a job we dont want to spend another day at, a broken heart that feels as if it will never heal, or a long and painful illness. And then, there are the challenges that can be just as scary because we are being called to step up to the plate in ways that we may think we are not yet ready for: overcoming our fears in order to realize a lifelong dream, leaving behind a situation or people in our life that we may have outgrown, or moving across the world for our dream job or life partner. At such times, it can feel as if the world is testing us and that life is asking more of us than we think we can give. We may feel uncomfortable, frightened, and unsure of what to do. However, life isnt so much going against us as it is encouraging us to grow. During these periods, we can grow stronger by putting one foot in front of the other, as we work through our challenges. We may be asked to let go of old safety measures, shift old patterns of behavior, or step into the abyss of the unknown. When we do rise to the occasion, we end up better off for having made that journey. Not only do we end up learning and growing, but we inevitably become more compassionate to the challenges of others and wiser in the ways of the world. Our faith in the universe also grows because, ultimately, we cant help but realize how much we are supported and taken care of at all times. When we are in the midst of a growing period, it is not easy to see our reward, but it is there, waiting for us to grow big enough to reach it....the dailyom.com

I love me some twins...

GEMINI - LEO : Noble generous Leo will be a toy in the hands of Gemini – and will be pleased with it! Gemini are clever and diverse in a sexual game, and Leo will be admired by the behavior of his partner. Leo will let Gemini go their own way. This partnership is ideal. Liaison will be splendid and admirable; a more durable relationship is quite probable

But, my bags aren't packed yet!

Sick of not sleeping in my own bed, dealing with bullshit that I just want to be done with. Seth has realized (finally) why I broke it off. He took me for granted for all these years, and I did all the work to keep us together. I felt like a mom. The drain from being with him was finally getting to me. When I went back home for a celebration, my friend Isaac drunkenly told me that it was good that i broke up with him because I sounded so unhappy when we were in south america. i knew he had a point; no matter if it was an intoxicated mess of one or not.

urban dictionary 1, laurenation, 0

2. Man Child

A man child is a male who is over the age of 25, who still lives as though he is a juvenile. Many man-children are not gainfully employed, and survive off of the financial support of their enabling parents. Heavy video-game addiction to fantasy games such as World of Warcraft are key to the man-child.

Isn't this familiar?

I finally broke up with Seth last month. It was a long time coming; but it was most definitely coming. I really didn't think I would actually do it, but living in misery wasn't working for me. He is moving back to MN, much to his dismay. I asked him why he doesn't just get a second job and a roommate, but he wants to do this on his own terms.

As for me, I am looking very, very proactively for my on place to start over in. I am looking all over L.A., hoping to stay under 800. But who knows, I need to get something before January. Albeit, I am a little too close to buying a pack of smokes.

Frickfrack.

My part time love

5 days a week, I walk this lovely being by the name of Nelson. There is only a 30 minute obligation-but the time flies a little too fast for me, and before I know it an hour has passed. Nelson enjoys a good belly rub, and a gnarly chew on my pants. I don't really appreciate the latter.



... don't even try it.

Apologizing for the lackluster

Yeah, I know what I said.

There will be pictures, with said blog, coming soon. With Jill passing, programs to learn, and booking trips to hometown for commitment ceremonies there hasn't been much time left for bonding with blogger.

I will say that previously mentioned events are clearing up-and I promise you that I will entertain. My eyes are leaning towards an excellent cupcake recipe that will be made in your honor.

Seriously,

Laurenation

Good bye to a beautiful spirit

Underwater Adventures will never be the same without you Jill. I hope you are surrounded by tree frogs and turtles and other lovely creatures where ever you are. It still feels too surreal; when I first heard the news of your passing, it felt like a practical joke. I can't go home to pay my respects, but please know this-you always made me feel like I was pretty damn awesome.

And I hope that feeling was mutual.

Admitting to infidelity never felt so disgraceful

Blogger, I have a horrible confession. And it involves you. And me. And Tumblr.

Yes, Tumblr.

Blogger, I'm sorry, but I just found someone a little more dazzling. It's sort of like the first time you crap your pants as an adult and it's such a disgusting moment, but you realize how zany it is and call most of your contacts in your phone book just to laugh about your neonate tendancies.


You know, right?


Please, no drama. You know maybe if you weren't so droll I wouldn't be inclined to seek out more exciting options. I don't know, maybe get a different interface every now and then? We can stay together if you can handle me eating someone else's tater tot casserole.

But didn't you have some clue? The empty promise of South America pictures, bunny museum adventures, or me baking cookies?

But don't worry Blogger, I will be back for bedtime-but don't expect me to tuck you in.

Must be nice...

...to be 9 years old and have that kind of set-up.

My lil' Stowaway

I forget that I live in Los Angeles sometimes; but every now and then I am reminded by an occasional lizard in my tire well. He's been laying about lately, especially now with the 100+ degree heat. After much prodding, I scared him off into a different spot of shade.

I might start putting out cricket cocktails for him.

Inspirational reading

Last christmas my mom gave me a bunch of books from estate sales that she collected over the last few months. She knows my weakness for the written word, and to give her much credit, the books were all awesomely varied. The one that dominated my attention was Notes to Myself - By Hugh Prather.


A passage that really got me was one about making mistakes. I am quite the perfectionist, which is nerve-wracking most of the time. He writes: " My fear of making a mistake seems to be based on the hidden assumption that I am potentially perfect...a "mistake" is a declaration of the way I am, a jolt to the way I intend..."

To read something that honest and insightful is, well, really quite refreshing. It seems we never take the time to think about the small things that we encounter daily. We just shrug it off and go about our day, even though it did have a lasting effect. I guess more so I am pleased to find another wisdom laden book that is accessible to all.

The only thing I didn't care much for was the Christian language that was inherent throughout the book. It slightly contradicts it's message; which I think may have been intended.

Space dogs of the Jurassic live by Trailer disasters

The small museum front was alluring- in a stranger offering me candy sort of way.

A baby with gangrene?

Yes please.

Some random 3-D pictures...



I bet you never knew that Trailer disasters were commonplace during the mid-20th century.







Another area explained performance spaces, but I was distracted by the lovely ship.



and what you’ve all been waiting for...





Space dogs!

These are actually paintings of the dogs sent into space. One of them had a lit candle and a small bouquet hanging on the frame. It was much too dark to snap it.





After a small, slightly disappointing space dogs exhibit, we were lured into the lovely and cozy tea room.





I think he might have been envious of the space dogs, so to fill the void he went around begging for cookies.



After a exceptional visit to the Jurassic Museum, the day was capped off at Venice Beach, a haven for fans of Space dogs and litter.

Keep your carrots under lock and key

The Bunny Museum!!

It really does exist, and I should be going there this weekend. I know there is much talk of pictures, which I might be embarking on soon from earlier events; but I am serious. There will be lots of photographic evidence from this land of leporidaes.


That much is certain.

Missing it...

Old People

Random

Rad Jose and his lady.

Meh.

Betty Crocker had no hand in this.

As of late, my inner Duncan Hines has been on the loose. A muchacho of mine had a birthday today and I thought, cupcakes would make this day perfect. But, I did have a prerequisite: they could not be bastardized by the dough boy. I spent most of the afternoon searching the interwebs for the magical formula. The one that won my heart was a simple chocolate cupcake with butter cream frosting. I read and re-read the recipe, then decided that I could make this fantasy become a reality.
I left my apartment armed with a list and a whole lotta hope. I stalked the aisles at Ralphs like a gerbil in a cheese factory looking for my components. When I came across the baking shelves, I admittedly lost steam. Grazing the box mixes, my mind unfurled into a realization: why go to all the trouble of mixing ingredients and hoping against all hope that it may or may not taste good when all I gotta do is get eggs, oil and some water? The temptation was overwhelming, especially since the loss of steam was becoming apparent. Biting my lip, I reach for the cocoa powder that will (hopefully) blow minds while imbibing my mystical baked goods.
When I arrived home; my laboratory started coming together. Benny Goodman on the turn table, and all the tools of the trade: 2 mixing bowls, spatula, cupcake tin with foil cups for said comestibles; blender and an apron to catch all the delicious mistakes.
I was surprised how good the result was: I almost purchased some store mades just so I could have a control to compare my specimen to. After several minutes of self-congratulatory goodness, and pure awe that I didn't completely screw it up, my hips busted out a lil' ditty to celebrate my latest conquest.

Inanimate objects have their needs too.

New trip idea...but not really.

A while back I posted a trip idea for the Trans-Siberian/Manchurian Express. The excursion was inspired by a night with Henry Rollins I had back in 2005 at his spoken word show. Mr. Rollins, being the articulate raconteur that he is, enticed me into possibly doing the same journey. His descriptions of surly babushkas, mystery meat, in climate weather and Genghis khan/nomad-type characters ignited the travel bug that had mysteriously dwindled over the past months. Shortly after, an intense inter web search was on, and I completely tuned out of my job. Not like anyone noticed; master control is sort of lenient like that.

After a not so long search, I came up with some mildly irritating discoveries with all points towards mother Russia:

1. You need to be officially invited in.

2. You have FOUR NIGHTS valid on your transit visa, which allows for one or two nights in Moscow, an overnight train and two or one night(s) in St. Petersburg respectively, but you must be across the border before midnight on the final day of your visa. Basically, you need to be the hell out of there or you can expect a mighty huge fine.

It adds that you're better off booking your trip with a tour company or the like based on the fact that if your ass doesn't speak the Ruskie you might end up in Chechnya. And the tour company will at least procure your visas and arrange everything for you. And to be honest, I'm not all that interested in war zones. Even though I know you pegged me as that kind of gal; I will have to disapoint on this one.

Things I miss about Minneapolis.

1. My family.
2. Autumn
3. My lovely and brilliant friends.
4. Spyhouse
5. Pizza Luce
6. Hard Times
7. South Minneapolis
8. brownstone buildings
9. foxfire...which I know hasn't been around in ages, but I was thinking about it the other day.
10. making movies with friends

There's always more to add, but at this moment I was missing those.

Bye!!

I'm taking off to the Southern hemisphere, hope everyone is well! I will most definitely post some pictures when I get back.


(And the um, space dogs one too)

Space puppies?!

My friend and I are total, ridiculous nerds. We don't deny it. Reveling in nerdery is an activity I partake in daily. Another activity that I make great attempts at is attending as many museums as humanly possible. Her and I are in the process of creating a list of all the Los Angeles area museums that require our presence. One in particular that I found interesting (to say the least) is the Museum of Jurassic Technology.

Mmmm...

She sent me an email mentioning "space dogs", and that we should be a part of the phenomena.

After much slacking, we finally explored this building of intrigue. There will be a post arriving in the next few days documenting Space dogs, Trailer disasters, and some other oddities.

When trekking in Nepal...

Don't forget to bury your turds after you're finished!

Sleeping with Elvis...

booked and well shooked.

I know, I know, I just wanted something to rhyme.

Anyways...

everything we required for the Great South American adventure is booked. Hurray!

There are some minor details to get arranged, but all the main day trips and the like are taken care of. We had to book hostels for visa purposes, which can be quite a headache. But rest assured, they are taken care of.

I apologize for sucking it at posting entries, but with interning and working seven days a week I haven't had much time. Well, I guess I don't know if people even read this, but if you're one of the five that spend a few moments reading, I salute you.

Faithful readers, I will write more to satiate your souls. Or, fill a couple minutes for you before work beckons.

die Freiheit!

He demands his freedom, fresh water, chew sticks, and sunflower seeds.

Preferably in that order.

Thanks.

My arm tastes like burning

I am vaccinated against yellow fever. Friday morning was reserved for appointment; the night prior anxiety was seeping into my chest. I had heard many horror stories about the pain and the burn that the vaccination brings.

Honestly, the amount of anxiety I had was clearly not worth it. (I am not scared of needles, it is purely situational) I dictated what arm to put it in, then he inserted the needle, and a quick 2 seconds later, it was out. He had me sit there for 10 minutes to make sure there wasn't any bad reactions. All was fine.

Over the last decade I have heard horror stories about Yellow Fever shots, mostly that they had the most pain or burning when the vaccine was injected. I was more nervous for that reason alone. Imagine my shock and glee when I was sweating profusely while he was administering the shot and it lasted 2 seconds. Albeit I don't have anything to compare it to; I haven't had a shot in years. The last vaccination I had was in 1999, and that was with a gun.

The best part about it was it ended up being covered by my insurance...yea!

Evo Morales doesn't like Gingos*

Yours truly finally booked her tickets to Peru and Bolivia!!

I will be spending two weeks-ish in the Southern hemisphere; most of that will be in Peru. I am super excited to go to Machu Picchu and Lake Titicaca. I will be sure to check the toilets to see if the water goes down the other way. (Oddly, there has been requests)

Admittedly, the high altitude is a little intimidating, but I hear that chewing coca leaves and staying hydrated eases that well. I also have to get a visa, which means that your pal Laurenation is going to be getting a Yellow fever vaccination. She isn't too thrilled about it, but if that means she can go to Bolivia I guess that's ok. (talking about vaccinations apparently results in third person monologue) The unfortunate thing is currently there is a world wide shortage of Yellow fever shots so she isn't exactly inexpensive. One positive is that I will be immunized for ten years; so if that trip to Africa or Brasil is in the horizon that's one less shot.

*This gringo is actually just bitter about spending her pennies on a shot that could be used in Bolivia.

My lil' Sea Monkey

A few weeks past I met up with a friend at a bar near her home. It was the grand re-opening; after having to move from the other location they finally opened their doors. Albeit, another strip mall locale it was more a lounge than the dirty dive bar in my memory. Why a strip mall, I don't know. Southern California boggles me in ways that I am still trying to understand.
Before I stray on tangents, the bartender is the real reason why people come here. Er, at least why I love to go. His name is Stu, and he lives on a boat in a harbor 'cause he loves to "live near the fishies. " He also pours a stiff drink to those who imbibe, and he is a tad bit of a flirt. (That night in particular he was wearing a Popeye shirt- how very appropriate.)
When we arrived, we had some great verbal exchanges, some which include me looking fragile (I attribute that to my scarf, winter coat and wool hat that was adorning my body) and slightly boyish. Always the polite conversationalist, I listen to his ramblings of when he used to chase blond women but back then his hair was jet black. I am side tracked by his beautiful handle-bar moustache, which is beyond perfection. If it were possible, there would be one on my upper lip, complete with fringes that grace my lips.
Eventually, the night came to a close, with us heading out the door. A raspy demand echoed from the bar. I sauntered over to Stu, who methodically leans in to inform me:

"When you go home tonight, you think thoughts of dirty old men, because one fell in love with you tonight. "

Who's comin' with me?!

The neighborhood cat!!!

I'm sure you have heard my rantings about the neighbor's cat that is inclined to leave me presents.


Well, he also enjoys when I let him come in and pretend he's my cat for short periods of time, and generally I am ok with that. He's a good part time cat; I have been calling him Maurice, even though I caught his owner calling him Smuckers.

Smuckers?!


Anyways, she tends to leave him outside for extended hours, and it's normally when she is out and about. I generally find him tomcatting around with the other feral cats, even though I always held a higher opinion of Maurice.

Even though he did maroon his decapitated birds on my door way...


I still think he's pretty okay.