How i am not myself!

Unraveling at a fast pace, thinking maybe I should gather my things and move on, but another portion of my grey matter unfurls in a dangerous direction which I cannot see or really smell, and that is what is the achilles of me is that I require a scent of defeat after I realize that I am an extradorinary machine, but really, all that I really, really, desire is a hug from a human that can recite my my last five adventures without flinching.
True loneliness only elipses sadness, because alot of people think that if you are lonely, well, then you must be sad; to be verdad, I am a lonely person, but not a sad one. I always feel that I am missing out on something, somewhere, or perhaps there is a being that I could be interacting with and not feel like I am perpetually annoying them.

…the lifeform that occupied a part of my life didn't really know me, and he never hid it well.

When you've been co-habitating for six years.

Life is about growth, which is wonderful, though not always easy. Indeed, many of lifes lessons can be painful or difficult. Yet, such challenges are often the ones that present the most opportunity for spiritual growth. Initiations for growth come in many forms. In fact, we can view every challenge in life as an opportunity to learn and grow. While these disruptions in life are not easy, they are necessary. The challenges the universe sends us can seem unbearable at times: a job we dont want to spend another day at, a broken heart that feels as if it will never heal, or a long and painful illness. And then, there are the challenges that can be just as scary because we are being called to step up to the plate in ways that we may think we are not yet ready for: overcoming our fears in order to realize a lifelong dream, leaving behind a situation or people in our life that we may have outgrown, or moving across the world for our dream job or life partner. At such times, it can feel as if the world is testing us and that life is asking more of us than we think we can give. We may feel uncomfortable, frightened, and unsure of what to do. However, life isnt so much going against us as it is encouraging us to grow. During these periods, we can grow stronger by putting one foot in front of the other, as we work through our challenges. We may be asked to let go of old safety measures, shift old patterns of behavior, or step into the abyss of the unknown. When we do rise to the occasion, we end up better off for having made that journey. Not only do we end up learning and growing, but we inevitably become more compassionate to the challenges of others and wiser in the ways of the world. Our faith in the universe also grows because, ultimately, we cant help but realize how much we are supported and taken care of at all times. When we are in the midst of a growing period, it is not easy to see our reward, but it is there, waiting for us to grow big enough to reach it....the dailyom.com

I love me some twins...

GEMINI - LEO : Noble generous Leo will be a toy in the hands of Gemini – and will be pleased with it! Gemini are clever and diverse in a sexual game, and Leo will be admired by the behavior of his partner. Leo will let Gemini go their own way. This partnership is ideal. Liaison will be splendid and admirable; a more durable relationship is quite probable

But, my bags aren't packed yet!

Sick of not sleeping in my own bed, dealing with bullshit that I just want to be done with. Seth has realized (finally) why I broke it off. He took me for granted for all these years, and I did all the work to keep us together. I felt like a mom. The drain from being with him was finally getting to me. When I went back home for a celebration, my friend Isaac drunkenly told me that it was good that i broke up with him because I sounded so unhappy when we were in south america. i knew he had a point; no matter if it was an intoxicated mess of one or not.

urban dictionary 1, laurenation, 0

2. Man Child

A man child is a male who is over the age of 25, who still lives as though he is a juvenile. Many man-children are not gainfully employed, and survive off of the financial support of their enabling parents. Heavy video-game addiction to fantasy games such as World of Warcraft are key to the man-child.

Isn't this familiar?

I finally broke up with Seth last month. It was a long time coming; but it was most definitely coming. I really didn't think I would actually do it, but living in misery wasn't working for me. He is moving back to MN, much to his dismay. I asked him why he doesn't just get a second job and a roommate, but he wants to do this on his own terms.

As for me, I am looking very, very proactively for my on place to start over in. I am looking all over L.A., hoping to stay under 800. But who knows, I need to get something before January. Albeit, I am a little too close to buying a pack of smokes.

Frickfrack.

My part time love

5 days a week, I walk this lovely being by the name of Nelson. There is only a 30 minute obligation-but the time flies a little too fast for me, and before I know it an hour has passed. Nelson enjoys a good belly rub, and a gnarly chew on my pants. I don't really appreciate the latter.



... don't even try it.

Apologizing for the lackluster

Yeah, I know what I said.

There will be pictures, with said blog, coming soon. With Jill passing, programs to learn, and booking trips to hometown for commitment ceremonies there hasn't been much time left for bonding with blogger.

I will say that previously mentioned events are clearing up-and I promise you that I will entertain. My eyes are leaning towards an excellent cupcake recipe that will be made in your honor.

Seriously,

Laurenation

Good bye to a beautiful spirit

Underwater Adventures will never be the same without you Jill. I hope you are surrounded by tree frogs and turtles and other lovely creatures where ever you are. It still feels too surreal; when I first heard the news of your passing, it felt like a practical joke. I can't go home to pay my respects, but please know this-you always made me feel like I was pretty damn awesome.

And I hope that feeling was mutual.

Admitting to infidelity never felt so disgraceful

Blogger, I have a horrible confession. And it involves you. And me. And Tumblr.

Yes, Tumblr.

Blogger, I'm sorry, but I just found someone a little more dazzling. It's sort of like the first time you crap your pants as an adult and it's such a disgusting moment, but you realize how zany it is and call most of your contacts in your phone book just to laugh about your neonate tendancies.


You know, right?


Please, no drama. You know maybe if you weren't so droll I wouldn't be inclined to seek out more exciting options. I don't know, maybe get a different interface every now and then? We can stay together if you can handle me eating someone else's tater tot casserole.

But didn't you have some clue? The empty promise of South America pictures, bunny museum adventures, or me baking cookies?

But don't worry Blogger, I will be back for bedtime-but don't expect me to tuck you in.

Must be nice...

...to be 9 years old and have that kind of set-up.

My lil' Stowaway

I forget that I live in Los Angeles sometimes; but every now and then I am reminded by an occasional lizard in my tire well. He's been laying about lately, especially now with the 100+ degree heat. After much prodding, I scared him off into a different spot of shade.

I might start putting out cricket cocktails for him.

Inspirational reading

Last christmas my mom gave me a bunch of books from estate sales that she collected over the last few months. She knows my weakness for the written word, and to give her much credit, the books were all awesomely varied. The one that dominated my attention was Notes to Myself - By Hugh Prather.


A passage that really got me was one about making mistakes. I am quite the perfectionist, which is nerve-wracking most of the time. He writes: " My fear of making a mistake seems to be based on the hidden assumption that I am potentially perfect...a "mistake" is a declaration of the way I am, a jolt to the way I intend..."

To read something that honest and insightful is, well, really quite refreshing. It seems we never take the time to think about the small things that we encounter daily. We just shrug it off and go about our day, even though it did have a lasting effect. I guess more so I am pleased to find another wisdom laden book that is accessible to all.

The only thing I didn't care much for was the Christian language that was inherent throughout the book. It slightly contradicts it's message; which I think may have been intended.

Space dogs of the Jurassic live by Trailer disasters

The small museum front was alluring- in a stranger offering me candy sort of way.

A baby with gangrene?

Yes please.

Some random 3-D pictures...



I bet you never knew that Trailer disasters were commonplace during the mid-20th century.







Another area explained performance spaces, but I was distracted by the lovely ship.



and what you’ve all been waiting for...





Space dogs!

These are actually paintings of the dogs sent into space. One of them had a lit candle and a small bouquet hanging on the frame. It was much too dark to snap it.





After a small, slightly disappointing space dogs exhibit, we were lured into the lovely and cozy tea room.





I think he might have been envious of the space dogs, so to fill the void he went around begging for cookies.



After a exceptional visit to the Jurassic Museum, the day was capped off at Venice Beach, a haven for fans of Space dogs and litter.

Keep your carrots under lock and key

The Bunny Museum!!

It really does exist, and I should be going there this weekend. I know there is much talk of pictures, which I might be embarking on soon from earlier events; but I am serious. There will be lots of photographic evidence from this land of leporidaes.


That much is certain.

Missing it...

Old People

Random

Rad Jose and his lady.

Meh.

Betty Crocker had no hand in this.

As of late, my inner Duncan Hines has been on the loose. A muchacho of mine had a birthday today and I thought, cupcakes would make this day perfect. But, I did have a prerequisite: they could not be bastardized by the dough boy. I spent most of the afternoon searching the interwebs for the magical formula. The one that won my heart was a simple chocolate cupcake with butter cream frosting. I read and re-read the recipe, then decided that I could make this fantasy become a reality.
I left my apartment armed with a list and a whole lotta hope. I stalked the aisles at Ralphs like a gerbil in a cheese factory looking for my components. When I came across the baking shelves, I admittedly lost steam. Grazing the box mixes, my mind unfurled into a realization: why go to all the trouble of mixing ingredients and hoping against all hope that it may or may not taste good when all I gotta do is get eggs, oil and some water? The temptation was overwhelming, especially since the loss of steam was becoming apparent. Biting my lip, I reach for the cocoa powder that will (hopefully) blow minds while imbibing my mystical baked goods.
When I arrived home; my laboratory started coming together. Benny Goodman on the turn table, and all the tools of the trade: 2 mixing bowls, spatula, cupcake tin with foil cups for said comestibles; blender and an apron to catch all the delicious mistakes.
I was surprised how good the result was: I almost purchased some store mades just so I could have a control to compare my specimen to. After several minutes of self-congratulatory goodness, and pure awe that I didn't completely screw it up, my hips busted out a lil' ditty to celebrate my latest conquest.