All the single ladies.

7:48am.

Really?

Deep sighs ricochet off my lungs, reminding me to quit that youthful tobacco habit. I cough hard, knowing that should clear the issue, and make me buy ONE more pack of camels.

8:58am.

Ever since I started Lexapro, water has been the standard on my bedside table. Damn dry mouth.  I've accepted the side effect has been a fucked sleep schedule. My eyes force themselves into R.E.M land with thoughts Bukowski would be proud of.

10:29am

Is that my phone, or did I leave my vibrator on? Again.

11:37am

Should I admit I that I'm trying to prolong the fantasy land I was in for at least 20 more minutes? At least in this faraway land, the boy that I'm infatuated with doesn't tease - it's all give, and I take.

12:16pm

I work in an hour and a half. If I just rinse off, I should be able to get ready in 45 minutes. I think I have a Cliff bar to eat on the way to work.

1:04pm

Dear Febreeze, you've saved me again. I didn't forget about you, Cucumber Melon spritz: your stripper aroma is gonna save me from having to shower - but not without coworkers questioning my whereabouts last night.

1:58pm

Whoever invented Tide pens, gets my mouth around their genitals. Genius!

2:03pm

Made it. Despite my bed head that I have coined, "Beach Wave", everything turned out. Although my pervert colleague has been taking a special interest in me...I think it's gonna be a good day.