I am a Vegetarian. I do not expect people to accommodate me when it comes to my diet and I do not accommodate them. I'm relatively easy (I do have my picky moments: ask my sister) when I go out, or at work and at functions. I generally scrape together something and not complain.
Too much.
At work one time the talent ordered pizzas for everybody. Now, when this happens there is always that attempt to please everybody. I enjoy that and I usually eat cheese. Plain ole cheese pizza, no veggies. (Sometimes assumed that I eat veggie pizza and to be honest I can't stand the stuff. Unless it was just onions. MMmmm...) My co-worker and I were both vegetarian so we assumed that there would be plenty left amidst the sea of meat lovers.
Well, imagine my shock when I went for pizza and there were two slices left. Un-fucking-believable. Glanced over at other unrustled boxes, only a couple 'o slices missing from the supreme and the sausage. Same deal with the other meaty ones. Now, if I do recall, 20 minutes prior when everyone was shouting out orders, I along with my meatless comrade were mocked for not wanting "Delicious Meaty Meat Pizza" and just couldn't believe our dissent against the meaty pizza gods. I peek into the boxes again, yup, two slices.
Apparently there were more dissenters in our midst but refused to confess to the pillaged pizza. Why didn't they speak up? You know you can be inconspicuous about it if you say you just like cheese. But that's just too hard, I think that they didn't want to be outed. At our expense. And I was really hungry that day too.
Dear Kirby, I know and understand that you apparently changed and influenced a lot of young people's lives. Growing up my stepbrother Tony would envy you and boast that one day he would become you. I, never a sports fan, really couldn't of cared less. I always thought you to be overweight and slightly cartoonish. But nevertheless, you charmed the good folk of Minnesota. As you got older, you lost your sight and decided that being a wife beater would be an excellent alternative to being a world series baseballer. Kirby, it was not you wife's fault for your grotesque weight gain or your newfound blindness. Maybe if you didn't eat so many chili cheese dogs you wouldn't have had a stroke.
You filthy swine! I know what you have done with my brain and now you sit, laugh and are merry whilst I drool unmenacingly all over my sunday's best! You are heartless, cruel and sort of have a pleasant appearance to you. But wait! I am not complimenting you, only insisting that you have the up most guilt for my condition. Damn you, gerbils, Damn you to hell.
